Mistakes and confusion

Mistakes are part of life. it requires fighting impulse after impulse, hear is two slip ups that will happen to me and most likely you to dont get frustrated, its all part of the process(life).

losing sight of dreams and falling into the dreaded most feared things ever "walking dead" what do i mean by this , working 5-6 days a week and what to show for it a weekend out with the mates and get drunk and waste your money? or buying things that at the time will make you happy and later in life wont use. yeah have fun rest of your life with that, remember one thing whenever you feel yourself falling into this trap, i have to work like this everyone does ( medicore sociey disease, catchy i know)everyone does it, but many get stuck and never get out and settle for 2nd best. so i tell you now dont let it happen, think of your passion and break this disease society has created.

one i am still learning and improving on ignoring the social rewards of life. surround yourself with smiling, postive people who have absolutely nothing to do with work,stresses of life, create a quiet life but do not live your life alone,

happiness shared in the form of friendships and love is happiness multiplied.

Confused about life, your not alone and i am sure i am not alone either. this isnt a problem because once you realize like me , that life is neither a problem to be solved nor a game to be won.
if you are too intent on making pieces of a nonexistent puzzle fit, you miss out on the real fun. the heaviness of success chasing can be replaced when you recognize that the only rules and limits are those we set ourselves. ( yes its that simply)

So be bold and dont worry about what people think, like i am doing now.

now to finish on a poem i like very much it goes like this:

have you ever watched kids
on a merry go round?

or listen to the rain
slapping on the ground?

ever followed a butterfly`s erratic flight?
or gazed at the sun into the fadiing night?

you better slow down.
dont dance so fast.

time is short.
the music wont last.

do you run through each day
on the fly?

when you ask: how are you?
do you hear the reply?

when the day is done,
do you lie in your bed

with the next hundred chores
running throught your head?

you`d better slow down.
dont dance so fast.

time is short.
the music wont last.

ever told your child
we`ll do it tommorrow?

and in your haste,
not see the sorrow?

ever lost touch,
let a good friendship die

cause you never had the time
to call and say"hi"?

you better slow down.
dont dance so fast.

time is short
the music wont last.

when you run so fast to get somewhere
you miss half the fun of getting there.

when you worry and hurry through your day,
it is like an unopened gift throwen away.

Life is not a race.
do take it slower.

hear the music
before the song is over...

i hope you like this poem as much as i do, yes i do like poems.

postpartum depression: Its normal

why am i i depressed? (we all have been depressed at some stage)
its a good question with a good answer, to much free time is no more than self doubt and assorted mental tail chasing. subtracting the bad does not create the good.

in the begining fantasies have been enough and there nothing wrong with this, go nuts and live your dreams. this is not selfish it is critical to stop repressing yourself and get out of the postponement habit.

be it 2 weeks or 3 weeks or three years later , when you wont be able to drink your favourite drink or do the the same routine. self- criticism and existential panic attacks start around this time.

what am i 70 no 17 and i know i have had many hardships that i will be revealing in other posts this is to talk about depression, if i have the courage to talk about it so be it in my next blog i will so dont look at me and think i am to young to think like this , i am seeing reality and fighting even the dark emotional sides of the mind (aka my mind) not running from it but understanding it.

all i can say is dont freak out it happens to everyone even the best people you look up to idols, parents and family they just have a good way hiding it like i have done for so long.

but theres sadly more Social Isolation

here are a few things that may be famliar to some or many, bad coffee and complaining, gossips,stupid emails, and poeple wasting your time,stupid comments, and meeting up with people that accomplish nothing but kill a few hours with a few laughs, am i thinking to hard into this matter maybe...

dont be afraid of the existential or social challenges, freedom is enough to keep things interesting at all times. dont do the same as rest cause it will just kill you over and over again, get out of the medicore society living.

once basics are learned it becoems clear, dont fret the greatest rewards are yet to come.

"people say that we are seeking is a meaning for life. i dont think this is what we are really seeking. i think what we`re seeking is an experience of being alive"

i love this quote and this is one you could say i keep very close to my heart i am always looking for a way to live more but have gotten hurt, wait Paul get back on track sorry all.

any way what the hell should i do with my life? like everyone we all have frightening moments of doubt. you know what i say when this comes you fight it if you dont you will fall, and may never get up, i battled with great hardship and effort and made it, and i am a strongner person.

common doubts : is this is good as it gets, am i doing this to free more time and lead a better life, or am i just being lazy, am i really successful or just kidding myself, have i lowered my standards to settle for 2nd best and finally why am i not happy? i can do anything and i am still not happy do i even deserve this?

ah the mind and the emotions fasinate me, but most of this can be overcome as soon as we recognize it for what it really is outdated, using the more is better and the money as success mind sets that got all of us some point in trouble.

these doubts invade the mind when nothing else fills it (aka a sunday what i am doing now lol)

think of a time that made you feel 100 percent alive and undistracted ( for me it was one of my national grading 300 people staring at me i had no fear, i was in the zone) in the zone.

chances are it was when you were completly focused in the moment on something external, someone or something else.

lacking focus, the mind turns it self inwards and creates problems to solve, even if the problems are unimportant. but i will tell you something i have used if you find a focus a passion something you love with every ounce of your heart that seems impossible and forces you to grow, these doubts disappear.

before you ask yes my mind is like a library full of alot of stuff

Fear

Usually, what we most fear doing is what we most need to do. That phone call,that conversation or not saying something important to someone that really meant something to you, whatever the action might be, it is fear of the unkown outcomes that prevents us from doing what we need to do.

i will say again "What we fear doing most usually what we most need to do".

A person success in life can usually be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he/she is willing to have.

i try everyday to resolve a fear and become a better person each day.

if i let fear get in the way i would of never been able to do the most things i love, i can tell yous all now i have conquered my fears and in doing so i am enjoying life.

fear is not going to stop me doing the things i want to do and also not gonna stop me saying things people may fine weird or stupid, where in this world did all the compassion and telling someone how much they mean to them go! i dont know but i am a small but eager light shining bright, and i will not let my past hunt me i will admit there has been times in my life i should of said or done something, but never did.

i was always that guy in the corner going someone should do something, now a days i am that guy not scared to say what i need to say to anyone!

fear has stopped me doing some things i should of done, but i have learned from this mistake.

so i tell you all now what are you waiting for?

if you cannot answer this without resorting to: ah to busy, havent enough time, its hard for me etc

the answer is simple! you`re afraid just like the rest of the world.

Put it in these terms measure the cost of inaction, realize the unlikelihood and develop a most inportant habit that i have and those who excel and enjoy doing so :ACTION!

Criticism

Doing anything remotely interesting anything a tall will bring CRITICISM. attempting to do anything in life big of small wil bring dreaded armies of detractors and saboteurs.

my friends this is perfectly fine!

Trying to get everyone to like you is a sign of medicority. you`ll avoid the tough decisions, you`ll avoid confronting the people who need to be confronted . some people think stakes are to high and it is often we give in to people,

So be critized for doing small (safe) things or be critized doing really big things that you are passionate about!

We merely dont see it but this is a choice ,Criticism will come either way.

But i am telling yous all now let the critics critize.

reason why i am talking about this topic is because it starts of at a gym and goes into a sona, where it is only polite to talk, so i got talking to many of people young and old and you know what they all said about their pasts regret, i asked why cause they listen to their mates (critics), someone i will not say wanted to do something x(will not say what) but didnt do it because his cool group of mates saw it as stupid and waste of time , so he fell away now he regrets it and is to old to do it, very sad indeed he told me you know what was the biggest waste of time was Paul, i reply what? " biggest waste of time was getting drunk every weekend with mates and doing same thing over and over and nothing to show for it, i wasted money and health on it, i could of been doing far better things but i didnt cause i was scared for being judged"

This unsettled me i know excactly what he means and i admit i cant describe things but staring in his eyes i knew he wasted years cause he lived in the Medicore society,

He said to me you do what you went to do and dont let anyone stop you. i will tell everyone now who reads this

I will make something of myself regardless of who knows me and will live lifes moments , yous can all do the same old thing and have nothing to show for it, but not me i will move one and strive, yes laugh excactly (critics)

But quess what i am now not bothering my time with timewasters , yes this catergory falls under friends.
2010 i have met new people and turns out i can call them true friends over old friends, yes i have sorted out who excactly are time wasters and users of me and get a kick annoying or just like to take me down to their levels well not anymore!

so any way i have sorted out true friends , and looks like a handful , but quess what these handful of people are just like me willing to express compassion and shine, stand out from the medicore and strive and do what they love, and i like to thank you all!

i will not waste my time on time wasters and yous will soon all know excactly who you all are when i wont take shit from you.
life is to short to live small